Discovery - all my answers are within me
- Jill Dunsford
- Jun 26, 2020
- 6 min read
Personally I couldn't and still can’t understand why people get so upset when M.E. was considered “all in the mind.” If it was, I could do something about it, I could change my mind. At the time I believed that if it was in my body it was beyond my ability to do something about it. Fortunately I was wrong about that.
“The fact that the mind rules the body is, despite of its neglect by biology and medicine, the most fundamental fact that we know about the process of life.”
Dr Franz Alexander
I learnt to use my mind to heal my body and my body to heal my mind.
“All in the mind” does not mean anyone is imagining anything, it’s not a figment, a fanciful creation in order to avoid life, living, responsibility. It is not hypochondria. Frankly I wasn’t that imaginative to think up all the symptoms I had, and why would I?
My illness followed a viral infection somewhat akin to shingles. I know that because one GP told me I had shingles and another told me I didn’t! So helpful. I also had a swollen gland in my groin and of all the blood tests I had, only one showed anything and that was a reaction to a viral infection.
I was diagnosed with shingles and then told I didn't have it.
I was also diagnosed with myocarditis, and then I was told I hadn’t got myocarditis.
So, even though I’d had a viral infection, I don’t believe that was the root cause of my problem.
At the present moment, lots of people are fixated on things being “not my fault.” Well it isn’t and it wasn't but maybe, just maybe it’s your responsibility to do something about it.
I waited 6 years for a cure, to be told what was really wrong with me, and what to take to get rid of it. I waited in vain.
One morning I woke up and decided I didn’t care what I did, what I tried, even if it killed me, I wasn’t going to live the rest of my life in this nightmare, this twilight existence. Afraid of everything, of going out, of eating the wrong food, of doing the wrong thing. It was like being in prison, sitting on the sidelines of life while I just got older. What sort of existence was that? Grim.
I was ill, there didn’t seem to be a cure, it wasn’t my fault but I could take responsibility. I, maybe, could cure myself.
Discovery - the power of the unconscious mind
I already knew I had 2 minds, a conscious one and an unconscious one. What I hadn’t realized was the power of the unconscious mind. If you take a football and put a golf ball on top, that is the ratio of conscious mind to unconscious mind so in any situation, which one is going to win? Yep, the bigger one, the unconscious mind. That is why so many of us self sabotage. Our conscious mind says, for example, “I want to give up comfort eating” while our unconscious mind will tell us to eat in order not to feel the pain or the feelings that our comfort eating suppresses.
May sound a bit masochistic but if we can face, welcome and accept that pain, it will pass and the need to comfort eat will stop. Otherwise what we resist will persist.
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
The Gospel of St. Thomas
Unfortunately, as children we’re not told this, and in fact often the opposite is done. Little Jill gets upset, so little Jill gets chocolate. Little Jill associates chocolate treats with pain relief, whether that pain is physical, mental or emotional, so the next time little Jill gets hurt, her unconscious mind says, “Give me chocolate and the pain will go away.” Big Jill gets hurt and her unconscious mind is still saying, “give me chocolate.”
Recovery
If I can pause, breathe and become aware, I can break this pattern.
My left arm is aching, my hand feels uncomfortable.
I ask myself ‘what am I feeling?” What is the sensation, what is the emotion?
Apprehension, I don’t want to receive something, experience something, hold something.
I notice I am holding my breath, so I breathe into my hand and arm
I welcome the feelings, accept them. There is fear here, I accept that too. I welcome it.
The ache moves up into my forearm, my upper arm is tensing.
What is this reminding me of? When have I felt like this before?
My jaw is clenched, I am aware of anger and rage.
I want to lash out but also feel resistance to expressing my anger, I am afraid to express my anger.
I breathe into this, my body shakes itself and I start to smile. Some of the emotions have dissipated. There is still an ache.
I continue the process, going deeper.
I can feel resentment, what is triggering that? What is beneath it? Shame and suddenly I know when this incident happened.
I am 8 or 9 years old and being shouted at by a teacher in front of everyone.
I ask myself what resources do I need at this time? Courage, integrity, nobleness. Giving myself these, the incident becomes inconsequential and my arm ache goes.
I am left feeling compassion towards the teacher. That comes as a big surprise!
It really can release this quickly. I remember once waking up with such severe sciatica I thought I was going to be sick with the pain. I was just able to welcome it and breathe and with a sudden insight the pain went. It was so startling, I nearly couldn't believe it.
Left arm ache was one of the first symptoms I developed and at the time I wondered whether I had heart trouble. I got myself fully checked, ECG’s etc. I’m not a complete wally, there is definitely a place for orthodox treatment. I hope to see the day when western medicine embraces more than just the physical signs and symptoms, when it starts to teach people how to use their minds to heal.
Change your mind and you change your physiology. Change your physiology and you change your health.
"All experiences are preceded by mind, having mind as their master, created by mind."
Gautama Buddha Dhammapada
What usually happens is that we just react. Of course we will, we can’t not, we react faster than we can think BUT as soon as you notice you’ve reacted, IF you can pause and breathe, you will be able to transform your experience of life.
A Journey Process (Brandon Bays)
I trained as a Journey Therapist, though I don't practice now. During my training I decided to do a session on where and what the memory for my M.E. was stored in my body. The process started with a brief guided meditation and my internal guidance took me to my hypothalamus. Now this was fascinating to me as the hypothalamus is involved with regulating the homeostatic systems in the body. To keep the various systems in balance.
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